Stop Calling Sex Safe

I wrote this article for The Federalist, to share the approach I’ve taken with my children when it comes to talking with them about sex. Here is the introduction, with a link below to the full article.

There are moments in each child’s life that remain vivid in the memories of their parents, even years later. I remember my daughter leaning against the couch, literally wringing her hands as she mustered the courage to take her first steps. Her first day of kindergarten, though more than a decade ago, is almost as memorable as yesterday. These are, of course, sweet recollections. But mingled with these pleasant remembrances are others that remind us just how challenging parenting can be.

One of those challenges confronted me in the form of an innocent question. When my daughter was about eight years old, out of the blue she asked me, “Daddy, what is sex?” My first thought was, “Hey, wait a minute—I’m supposed to bring up that subject when I’m ready to discuss it, not her!” Rather than dodging the question, however, I did answer it, in a way I thought befit her age. But it was difficult to do, not because the topic embarrassed me, or made me feel uncomfortable, but because I knew how important this discussion was. I wanted to choose my words with the same careful skill with which an artist selects colors for his painting; this was no time for an answer akin to verbal graffiti.

We had that conversation almost a decade ago. My daughter and my son are going through those tumultuous teenager years now. As they’ve grown older, when other opportunities have presented themselves, I’ve spoken with them more about sex. In fact, I’ve discussed the contents of this article with them. It doesn’t get much easier, but it gets even more necessary, especially as they have begun to interact more and more relationally with the opposite sex. My voice may have to compete with the cacophony of media and peer voices talking to them about it, but I know that, amidst all the mixed messages, they’re hearing at least one voice that speaks the truth.

Read the full article here



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One thought on “Stop Calling Sex Safe

  1. Melissa Childs on said:

     The article expresses exactly how I was raised and how I raised 4 children.  At least how I thought I raised them.  However, one gave in to the ways of the world via the friends made.  We were not in a large town where most of the available friendships could come from other church raised kids.  The majority of the ‘friends’ had no church or didn’t take it seriously.  Thus actions occurred that cut my heart out.   I realized that we parents can express our moral views, share articles, and Bible words, but if your child/children are around mostly people with ‘world’ views the battle for your child’s soul is more than they can fight.  Our kids today do not have the comfort I had when 19 out of 20 of my friends believed that ‘we wait till marriage’.  Now days it is 19 out of 20 that don’t wait and call the ‘1’ weird.  Only a few teens can take that pressure  I thought my child was armed with the Word and facts, but she was human (and happily married now).  I pray your girls can hold God’s words and yours in their minds when confronted by a male lusting after them who has no values.

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