Obese Kings and Tent-Pegged Generals: Poems from Judges on Ehud and Jael
Eglon was a monarch, of proportions rotund;
An extra slice of cake, his Highness never shunned.
His despotizing hand, o’er Israel heavy weighed.
Jacob had a fat chance, his terror to evade.
Ehud was a lefty, from a right-handed tribe,
Who mixed a killer drink, for Eglon to imbibe—
A double-edged dagger, of proportions quite small—
Bound it to his right thigh, and on the king did call.
He told Eglon he had, from God a secret word,
A message from above, the Lord would have conferred.
In a cool, upper room, where the king sat all alone,
Ehud preached that sermon, while the king shat on his throne.
He shoved the sword in deep, and out spilled guts and gall.
This omnivorous king, swallowed the hilt and all.
Eglon’s terminal meal, was not his menu choice,
But so it goes for men, who will not heed God’s voice.
Our God is one strange Lord, who loves what men debase.
For where they hurl contempt, he grants the deepest grace.
Sing praise to the God of feisty Jael,
Who wielded a hammer and peg quite well.
While Sisera hid in her tent asleep
The evil he’d sown, Jael helped him reap.
The head of the foes there met his fate
With a stake of wrath sunk deep in his pate.
Death befell evil and all of its ilk,
Through this redemptrix, a bearer of milk.
These two playful poems, “Eglon the Omnivorous” and “Feisty Jael,” are both included in my recent collection, The Infant Priest: Hymns and Poems. If you’d like to purchase a copy, you may do so at this website or on Amazon.com. Thank you!